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#1 Guide to Dating for Asian Men

Dating can be a daunting journey for anyone, but for Asian men, societal stereotypes and cultural expectations can often add an extra layer of complexity. However, breaking free from these constraints and becoming the truest & highest version of yourself is not only possible but crucial for success in Western dating. In this guide, we'll delve into the key elements to help Asian men find success in the modern day dating landscape: 

  1. Expressing yourself confidently and taking up space

  2. Embracing your sexuality without shame

  3. Learning to pursue what you want in life

Express Yourself Confidently and Take Up Space

In Asian cultures, there's often an emphasis on humility and modesty, which can inadvertently lead to a lack of assertiveness. Additionally, Asian immigrant parents teach their children to suppress important human emotions and needs, often only encouraging financial or familial pursuits. 

Living in Western countries where self-expression and asserting one’s thoughts, feelings and needs are not only okay but essential to be successful and garner respect, you can see how Asian cultural values can – and do – create problems for Asian men, especially in the dating world.

Thus, here are some things you can do as an Asian man to cultivate and express confidence and learn to take up space:

  1. Know Yourself: Knowing yourself is a lifelong journey that has no bounds. You can take it as deep as you want, and the more you do, the more you will be able to express yourself with confidence. When I went to therapy and learned psychology, it helped me express myself in authentic and meaningful ways which became attractive to women. Self-awareness, particularly when combined with the other elements mentioned in this article, is sexy.

  2. Heal Your Inner Child: The freedom of a child is the freedom you want to embody in dating. Expressing yourself, having fun, and showing who you are are all traits children naturally have. If you didn’t get to express yourself freely or have fun growing up, this might be preventing you from taking up space in authentic ways in your life now, and are signs you need to do some healing, inner work.

  3. Set Boundaries: Don't be afraid to assert boundaries in your life. Boundaries show that you respect yourself and are committed to your goals which is attractive to women. We know people pleasers are NOT attractive, and this is because they lack boundaries or forego them when around people they perceive as superior – often women. Learn to identify and commit to your boundaries and all areas of your life will improve.

Embrace Your Sexuality Without Shame

Asian men are often seen as less sexual than other ethnic groups, and though I don’t agree with this stereotype, I’ve found that Asian culture has a lot more sexual suppression and shame than countries like America. Thus, if you want to date successfully in Western countries – which are more sexually liberal and open – it’s important to learn to de-shame and embrace your sexuality as a very normal, human part of your identity.

Here are some things you can do to open up to your sexuality in healthy ways:

  1. Talk About Sex More: To de-shame anything, you need to talk about it with people who are nonjudgmental. This can be done with therapists, life coaches, friends you trust or even by listening to sex-positive podcasts (you can Google it) that talk about sex in healthy, nonjudgmental ways.

  2. Self-Acceptance: Embrace your sexuality and masculine urges without judgment. Men who aren’t afraid to express their desires towards women – in respectful ways, of course – are the ones successfully dating. At first, it might feel awkward to be more forward with women, but the more you don’t judge yourself, the more comfortable & confident you will become. You’re a man with desires. Own it!

  3. Respectfully Compliment Women: The only way you can learn to be comfortable flirting and creating sexual tension – which is essential for dating – is to START PUTTING THAT ENERGY OUT THERE. Women get compliments all the time, and it’s okay to do so yourself. Some won’t respond; others might. But don’t be attached to the outcome or expect to get their number etc. I recommend complimenting women you don’t know or work with regularly until you get over the belief that it’s wrong or that you might offend women. Because if you’re doing it respectfully, you’ll definitely see more positive responses than negative.

Learn to Pursue What You Want in Life

As an Asian man, you may have learned to not stick out and to abide by the rules and expectations of others – again, because of your upbringing. But breaking through the fear that you’re doing something bad or wrong when you assert yourself is essential not just in dating but in life. Here's how, as an Asian man, you can learn to go after what you want, and have it naturally extend into dating:

  1. Develop Self-Worth: A truly attractive and confident man has self-worth. He doesn't listen to the belittling, critical voice in his head that says he's not good enough, and knows he's worthy of having and going after what he wants. It's normal as an Asian man to lack intrinsic self-worth (self-worth that isn't tied to external achievements) because of how we were raised. Though your parents may have loved you, the didn’t know how to raise a child to believe in himself, be confident and have self-worth. This can be developed, however, through therapy, coaching or healing work.

  2. Overcome Fear of Failure: You hear it all the time: “Do things that make you uncomfortable.” It’s true, especially for men. But when it comes to dating, make sure you do some socially uncomfortable things: talking to strangers, public speaking, learning to take up space are just a few examples. Overcoming social fears will have a direct effect on your dating life.

  3. Seek Support: Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, mentors, and peers who are both accepting & understanding as well as challenging & encouraging. If you could find friends or mentors who are aligned with the values mentioned in this article – healing, growth, healthy sexuality – even better.

Dating as an Asian man comes with its own set of unique challenges, but hopefully these 3 things – learning to take up space, embracing sexuality without shame, and pursuing your own desires in life – has given you deeper insight into how you can navigate the dating world with authenticity, empowerment and success. 

Though I think career, money, looks and height do matter, I think they matter less than what has been outlined here, especially if you want to find healthy, fulfilling long-term relationships. Remember, the most attractive version of yourself is the one who is unapologetically true to who you are as a man.

If you’re interested in this work and getting direct support, reach out to me. I help men transform mental, emotional and sexual blocks to have the dating and relationships they want. This is work I’ve done for myself and many of my clients. The generic advice that’s out there for men these days doesn’t map on to Asian men’s experiences. What you need (whether it’s me or someone else) is a mentor who understands the unique cultural differences and stereotypes causing Asian men to struggle, and has a system or strategy to breakthrough them.

Wishing you all the best on your journey!

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